Breaking Meditation Plateaus: Insights From a TWIM Home Retreat (Part 2)

This 2-part article delves into my experiences with a 10-day buddhist meditation retreat, a journey that resulted in more profound changes and insights than my previous 4 years of practice.

Nov 22, 2023

Introduction

Embarking on a 10-day home meditation retreat, I expected a journey, but what unfolded was a transformation. Beyond just another practice, this retreat became a revelation, reshaping not only how I meditate but how I view the very essence of my being.

The TWIM meditation method and the 6R’s of 'Recognize, Release, Relax, Smile, Refocus, Repeat' has become a guiding principle in my everyday life, transforming even mundane experiences into opportunities for growth. In the previous article, I’ve shared the core principles of these methods.

In this article, I'll take you through a wide range of experiences, lessons, and the profound realizations that emerged during and after this retreat.

1. The unseen gifts of a home retreat

When I first contemplated the idea of a home retreat, there was a small, nagging doubt in my mind. I questioned whether this experience could ever match the depth and impact of a full-fledged, on-site retreat. Yet, as I sit here reflecting on my journey, I'm genuinely astonished by how profound the experience turned out to be.

The structure of the home retreat was unique. It blended seamlessly into my everyday life—working, exercising, cooking, and even grocery shopping were all part of it. But, I was encouraged to step away from all forms of entertainment such as:

Watching any kind of videos, series, or movies
Listening to music
Reading non-essential books
Browsing through social media

Initially, the thought of cutting off these sources of entertainment seemed almost too rigorous, maybe even impossible. But as the days passed, something shifted within me. The occupations I thought I needed became less appealing. Deep in my meditation sessions, I realized that these activities no longer fit into the heightened states of awareness I was experiencing. The more I meditated, the more natural this new way of life felt. The outside noise faded, and in its place, a serene quiet settled in, something I hadn’t known I was missing. With so much unfolding mentally and emotionally, I embraced the quietude as a necessary refuge.

The beauty of this home retreat wasn't just in the meditation practices themselves. Unlike an isolated on-site retreat, I didn't have the luxury of undivided focus on meditation. But this wasn't a drawback; it was a revelation. Integrating the TWIM meditation and the 6R mindfulness technique into my day-to-day life was transformative. I wasn't just meditating in a peaceful corner away from the world; I was learning to maintain my calm in the middle of a stressful workday, during unexpected arguments with family members, and even amidst a pre-holiday chaos at the supermarket.

This journey felt every bit as intense and focused as any traditional retreat I could have attended, but with an added layer of reality. Practicing mindfulness in the thick of real life, with all its unpredictability and challenges, made the experience infinitely more rewarding.

2. Discovering the deepest states of mind

My usual state of mind, before the retreat, was often scattered—caught up in everyday thoughts and distractions, struggling to maintain focus on any meditative object. But as I delved deeper into meditation during the retreat, I found myself transitioning into increasingly profound states of mindfulness.

The progress I made in those days, and in the time that followed, was unlike anything I'd experienced before. Embracing the TWIM method, I finally felt what it means to be truly 'in flow' during meditation.

I noticed a swift advancement through the eight Jhanas, each representing a deeper level of meditation and understanding of reality. Before the retreat, these higher states were fleeting glimpses for me. But now, I could consistently reach them every time I sat down to meditate.

Initially, it felt like I had to actively cultivate feelings of loving-kindness. But as the days went by, I realized that these feelings were always within reach—I just needed to connect with them. A few days into the retreat, the mere thought of a meditation object—whether it was myself, a friend, family member, or anyone—became a trigger for these feelings to surface and start the meditative process. This newfound ability allowed me to instantly enter a Jhana state, whether I was sitting quietly for meditation or taking a walk outdoors. The practice is so powerful.

For the first time, I experienced states where my mind was content just 'resting in itself', free from the constant search for stimulation. It preferred silence, embracing a state of complete nothingness.

3. Shedding the “self”

Delving daily into these meditative states has profoundly reshaped how I view myself and my place in the world. Through this journey, I've gained an increased sense of detachment from myself, experiencing less clinging to the concept of 'me.' This evolving perspective is the direct result of deeper states of meditation, which has revealed the 'three marks of existence,' offering me profound insights:

No-Self: This concept reveals the absence of a permanent, unchanging self. Instead, it portrays our existence as a dynamic stream of consciousness.
Impermanence: It highlights the transient nature of everything—emotions, thoughts, even life itself. Everything passes and is in a constant state of flux.
Suffering: This underscores the root of life's dissatisfaction, stemming from attachment (the craving for things), aversion (the craving for the end of things), and ignorance – a false belief in a permanent self and the illusion of lasting happiness in material or sensory experiences.

This newfound understanding has led to a remarkable shift in my sense of self. Initially, acknowledging these truths felt like losing a part of who I was. But with time, this perspective has evolved. I now recognize the 'I', the 'me' that I was so attached to, as mere constructs. Observing the transitory nature of consciousness, I've come to see the futility in clinging to any fixed idea of self, understanding that such attachments only lead to suffering.

This shift in perception has brought about a profound change in my daily life. I'm less concerned with being right, less worried about future uncertainties, and I care less about how others perceive me. This doesn’t mean I've become indifferent; rather, I find myself more engaged and appreciative of life without the burdensome conceptual layers my mind had been constructing since childhood.

As these layers peel away, I'm increasingly able to see things as they truly are. Consequently, I continued the long meditations after the retreat and still meditate for up to two hours per day. Before, this sounded almost impossible to me.

My mind, once akin to a wild, restless sea, now mirrors a calm lake. In this tranquility, every thought or emotion that arises is like a ripple on the water's surface, bringing immediate awareness and helping me to let go of old, limiting patterns.

4. The real art of mindfulness

In the teachings of Buddhism, thoughts and emotions are not permanent fixtures but fleeting, ever-changing occurrences. Bhante Vimalaramsi emphasizes a crucial point: it's more productive to observe 'how' these mental and emotional states arise rather than getting entangled in 'why' they occur. Recognizing that every thought, every emotion is a temporary phenomenon that passes, helps in not getting overly caught up in them.

The profound insight lies in witnessing what happens in the brief moments before our minds are swept away by these transient states. This kind of observation is the essence of mindfulness. It's about being constantly aware of the mind's movements, its subtle shifts and turns. This heightened awareness, cultivated through mindfulness, enables us to employ the 6R’s effectively.

As we consistently practice this awareness and detachment, our grasp on thoughts and emotions loosens. Over time, their intensity and frequency diminish, eventually leading to their complete dissolution. This process is a pathway to liberation, freeing us from the grip of suffering and allowing us to experience the fluidity and impermanence of our inner world.

The first emotional hurdles

The first day of the retreat presented an immediate challenge. Following a session of tranquil meditation, I was unexpectedly confronted with a surge of anger. Rather than delving into 'why' this emotion arose, which was quite tempting, I shifted my attention to 'how' it emerged. This shift in perspective led to an enlightening internal dialogue:

"Suddenly, I'm engulfed in anger, frustration, and impatience. These bursts of anger are unfamiliar to me, making me feel uneasy. I notice a heavy, oppressive weight on my chest, almost too burdensome to bear. It's as if, deep down, I'm instinctively trying to avoid these intense emotions. I need to remind myself that the 'why' behind this anger isn't as crucial as understanding 'how' it manifests and what occurs in the mind during those fleeting moments of chaos.
Can I also learn to accept and embrace this anger? Recognize that it is no more significant or detrimental than any other emotion, and focus on becoming more aware of its emergence in my consciousness."

Engaging with this emotion felt like a struggle at first, but by persistently applying the 6R method, I managed to gradually release it. This process was new and unfamiliar to me, yet it marked the beginning of rapid and significant progress throughout the retreat.

Towards emotional liberation

On the final days, I experienced a sudden feeling of anxiety coming up in my throat. At this point, I had gotten much better in detaching from the sensation, so I knew deep down that it was not “my” emotion, but just a phenomenon that comes and goes.

I spontaneously sat for a meditation and pointed out all the loving-kindness I was experiencing towards myself accompanied by the words: “May I be happy, may I be free from suffering, may I be at peace”. I felt an overwhelming, pulsating feeling of joy rising towards my head. I could feel the anxiety dissolving instantly. It felt so intensely relieving that I had tears in my eyes. Afterwards, I had the deepest meditation I had ever experienced.

In those moments of deep meditation, I discovered a fundamental truth about my existence — that being excessively critical and hard on myself was a choice, not an inevitability. I learned that I could choose to let go of that harshness.

Embracing this new understanding, I realized that love, in its purest form, is an ever-flowing, boundless energy that I can always tap into. It’s not just about external expressions of love but also about directing that powerful, healing energy inward. This journey within showed me that loving and forgiving myself unconditionally isn't just beneficial; it's vital for true happiness and peace.

As I allowed this love to permeate my being, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, making way for a newfound sense of freedom and a deeper connection with the innermost parts of myself. This was not just an end to a meditation session; it was the beginning of a more loving, compassionate, and understanding relationship with myself.

5. Strange physical and emotional sensations

During deep meditation, I experienced some unique sensations, sparking my curiosity about the unknown aspects of our body and mind. It felt like uncovering hidden forces usually beyond our awareness, leading me to reflect on unexplored areas of human experience.

I encountered a peculiar sensation: it felt as if my head was being gently pulled upwards from my chin, tilting back involuntarily, as though an invisible thread was guiding it. This movement was beyond my control. Following this initial movement, I experienced what I can only describe as a beam of energy, seemingly drawing out the built-up tension within me. Initially, this experience was quite disconcerting and somewhat frightening. However, as I surrendered to the experience, a profound sense of relief washed over me. Apparently, entering deeper meditative states can activate and unblock certain energy centers within the body.

At times, my body would suddenly become very warm, breaking out in sweat, or I would feel an electric surge coursing through me. Once, I distinctly heard the sound of water droplets inside my throat, similar to a leaky tap.

As I progressed to advanced stages of meditation, my perception of time altered dramatically, almost coming to a standstill. Unlike my usual state, where I recognize distractions only when deeply immersed in them, I began to sense thoughts as they arose—like tiny vibrations, the nascent seeds of thoughts or emotions. In these moments, it felt as though I existed as a two-dimensional mind, adrift in an infinite dark space.

Occasionally, it was as if a cascade of fleeting memories would surface and vanish. Scenes from my childhood, past interactions, long-forgotten memories, all rushing by at an incredible speed. When I managed not to engage with these memories, they dissipated quickly. But whenever I got entangled in them, they would whirl into a chaotic storm, pulling me away from mindfulness and composure.

However, as I advanced further in my practice, these intense experiences began to fade. I started to realize that the nature of these sensations was less important than my response to them. The key was not to attach myself to these experiences but to acknowledge, release, and relax into them.

A small first meditation instruction to try it out for yourself:
Sit for 30 min and don't move.
Imagine a moment where you were completely happy and at peace. This could be a moment where you looked into a baby’s eyes or spent time with a cute animal. A warm, fuzzy feeling will come up in the chest area. This is the loving-kindness that you will radiate throughout the whole sitting.
Send this metta (loving-kindness) to yourself for 10 min. It helps me to start with the sentences: “May I be happy, may I be at peace, may I be free of suffering”.
Pick a good friend that you wish all the best in the world and send the loving-kindness to him/her the rest of the sitting.
6R whenever the mind wanders (see instructions in the previous article)
🔗 Or a link to guided 30-minute beginner loving-kindness meditation made by DSMC

Meditation with meaning

Before this retreat, my meditation practice had become stagnant, losing its vibrancy and depth. It felt like a mere routine, lacking in profound insights and real benefits – a sort of 'McMindfulness' that treated meditation as a maintenance chore rather than a journey of discovery.

In stark contrast, since embracing the TWIM method, I've experienced a total transformation in my practice. This method, with its focus on cultivating and radiating wholesome emotional states towards oneself and the world, has brought a significant shift in my perception.

It allows me to acknowledge, accept, and release my cravings and aversions. I approach life with a lighter touch, smile more freely, and understand that the weight of existence is more a creation of the mind than a reality.

Instead of resisting life's challenges, I am learning to accept and let them flow through me, making every moment an opportunity for deeper understanding and greater love.

☸️ Link to the Dhamma Sukha Meditation Centre

The 10-day online meditation retreat is offered for free and you can make a donation to support their amazing work.

🙏 As always, thanks for reading. If you liked this article, your support in spreading this message fuels my purpose in aiding more individuals on their journey towards inner freedom and spiritual growth.