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Introduction
Imagine you’re home alone on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The skies outside have finally decided to open up, delivering the rainstorm that’s been brewing for weeks. In an attempt to occupy yourself, you flip through Netflix’s endless feed, uninspired. Your phone buzzes with the monotony of usual notifications, but nothing catches your interest. Each flick of your finger feels more uninspiring than the last. Even the dog has checked out; stretched out on the couch, he heaves a sigh so loaded it seems he's contemplating his existential void.
This is the agony of boredom - not just a lack of things to do, but the inability to find meaning in the things that you can do.
The term "boredom" itself carries the weight of weariness, derived from the word “bore,” suggesting the feeling of being drilled into by an unwavering dullness. This sensation is universally understood and echoed with various expressions of the same dread: In English we say: “I’m bored out of my mind”, in Dutch: “Ik verveel me te pletter” ( I am bored to shatters), or in Portuguese: “Estou morrendo de tédio” (I’m dying of boredom) which expresses a deep pervasive experience.
The psychology of boredom
In recent times, being unoccupied seems like an out-of-place, unsettling relic of the past, like one of these medieval torture devices that makes us realize: “I’m glad those times are behind us!”
Our lives resemble an endless digital waterfall, cascading with constant streaming shows, infinite social media feeds, dating platforms with boundless potential matches, highly immersive video games that easily get us absorbed for hours, and the online market place where we buy anything with just a few clicks.
We feel that any time not filled with activity is wasted time. Could it be that in our quest to fill every moment, we’ve overlooked something crucial?
Boredom is a strange blend of restlessness and listlessness, a unique psychological state where we want to engage in a meaningful activity but we cannot because we lack interest in anything.
According to the paper “the Unengaged Mind”, boredom is in essence, an issue with attention. The authors argue that boredom arises when we are unable to direct our attention inwards to our thoughts and feelings, or outwards to external activities like reading a book.1
When nothing can hold our attention, it leads to a state of unfulfilled arousal and a lack of purpose. It’s the tiresome feeling of not knowing what to do with ourselves.
This isn’t surprising, given that attention is our bridge to connecting to ourselves and the world around us. Without this connection, we struggle to find fulfillment and meaning. It lets us embark on a futile quest for engagement that, ironically, might have been within our grasp all along.
Thus, feelings of boredom may actually be alerting us to a deeper truth: we've lost touch with our ability to stay truly engaged.
Filling
Since modern times are stimulating and our attention is constantly tugged in every direction, it’s no surprise that we struggle with feelings of disconnection. The sensory overload makes it difficult to focus on anything really.
We have come to believe that as humans, we need to be constantly “filled up” by stuff. May it be entertainment, likes, food, or news.
With everything just a click away, life has become a series of quick shifts from one diversion to another. The days of spending hours pursuing a single goal—like hunting for food—are long gone. Now, we can access every imaginable entertainment from the comfort of our couch and seek approval not from peers but from pixels, with just a post or a picture.
Emptying
However, most of these experiences don’t provide us the depth and meaning that we truly seek. They serve as mere coping mechanisms for boredom, paradoxically leading to greater detachment.
Whenever I feel the nagging sensation of boredom, my phone is my ultimate escape. I find myself reopening messages, browsing Instagram, checking emails, or aimlessly scrolling through YouTube without really watching anything. Predictably, this leaves me feeling even emptier and drained, as none of these actions offer any real fulfillment and instead, give me a feeling of having just wasted my time.
It's understandable why we fall into the trap of trying to fill ourselves up with more stuff, especially when we're trying to ward off uncomfortable feelings. However, the real solution lies in doing the exact opposite: emptying ourselves. Though it seems counterintuitive, finding peace in stillness can be the true cure for boredom.
For me, relief comes when I choose to embrace the quiet—this isn't just about the absence of sounds, but a reduction in all forms of stimulation. Practices like brief meditation sessions, mindfulness of bodily sensations, or simply focusing on my breathing deeply help me disconnect from the chaos. Pairing this with a walk in nature, such as one of Brazil’s beautiful beaches. The rhythmic motion of the waves seems to cleanse the clutter from my mind.
In these moments, as the superficial layers are peeled away, it feels as though an inner door swings open. As we perceive the deeper layers of life, we’re coming back home to ourselves and the world around us.
Eastwood, J. D., Frischen, A., Fenske, M. J., & Smilek, D. (2012). The Unengaged Mind: Defining Boredom in Terms of Attention. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 7(5), 482-495. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612456044
First, congratulations on turning on payments. Second, congratulations on this deep exploration.
You can learn a lot about someone by watching how restless they become in the absence of external stimulation. Some are simply too dependent on it to be anything without it.
Boredom demands that you spend time with yourself; it demands that you be effective company to yourself as it was before learning about these other things.
Whoever cannot handle boredom cannot handle himself/herself, and thus is at the mercy of what external stimulation feeds them. They are easily captured; they are readily ensnared and like an addict, they become what is fed to them.
Loved this one Danique. It touched me deeply, so much recognition, I was constantly nodding. Some sentences are really perfect, like this one: given that attention is our bridge to connecting to ourselves and the world around us
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